My account of a recent struggle to get out of bed on a dreary, rain-soaked winter morning.
I’m sad to see the sun has risen already. It’s cold & I’m still sleepy. It’s still raining just as hard as it was last night. It’s been raining non-stop all week. It’s cold out there; & wet. I’m supposed to meet my friend in an hour. I will have to get out of bed–go out into that rain & drive for about twenty minutes. It will be cold–& wet–& sloppy. Gosh, where we’re meeting is such a long drive from here. It will be raining the whole way. I don’t even want to get out of bed.
I don’t ever want to get out of bed again; or at least not ever have to leave my room. It’s warm in here–& dry. But anywhere else, it’s cold & wet & hostile. I don’t see how I do it every work day. I did it all this past work week. But now, laying alone in my bed with just one warm dry blanket to shield me from the world & just one hour left to shield me from my obligations: I wonder if I will ever go to work again. I can’t stand the thought of leaving my bed or my room to face that hostility outside. I felt like this in 2014. It felt this way every day in 2014. This is the first time I’ve felt this way this year. But I’ve been here before. Once you resolve starts to crack, it doesn’t take long to break completely down. In fact, in that miserable year of 2014, it started around this same time. Damn. I was hoping I could hold on to normal for longer this time. But I am afraid that this is normal for me. Normal means everything is a struggle all the time.
Please God! Be kind–freeze time. Grant me a little more time in sanctuary. Buffer me from the day’s responsibilities just a little bit longer. Save me from that cold, driving rain outside.