Darkness Falls

Skin against skin–blood & bone. You’re all by yourself but you’re not alone. You wanted in & now you’re here… Driven by HATE but consumed by FEAR.

—Lyrics by Drowning Pool, circa 2001

NOTICE: The following piece is a creative exercise; a work of fiction.

I Idecided to stop going to church. This is a significant life development because this wasn’t the church that I grew up in. This wasn’t my parent’s church. This was the church that, after a long absence from formal religion, I sought & found myself two years ago. For the first time since I left home for college, my discovery of this church made be feel anchored into a community. I finally belonged somewhere. I finally found a “home” that was independent of my parent’s home. While I’m grateful for the home my parent’s shared with me, I was anxious to establish a life of my own. And discovering this church made me feel as though I had finally done so. But I’ve decided to stop going–at least for now. This church preaches messages like forgiveness & compassion, even for our most wicked enemies! This church, while it has granted me incredible peaceful insight, has rendered me soft & weak.

It’s an evil world out there; a dark one. If I embark on a journey into that lawlessness with a heart full of compassion, then I’m setting myself up to be some predator’s next meal. I won’t let that happen. I need to be strong. I’m not that gullible anymore. I won’t be lulled into complacency by this promise of peace & harmony. Liturgy like this ensures that nice guys keep finishing last & the big bad wolf gets away with anything he wants —consequences, wreckage, carnage left for everyone involved except for the wolf. Well how many more lives have to be wrecked? How many more hearts broken? How many honorable women desecrated . . . just so the wolf can reign supreme atop the food chain? Hell no. You fight Alpha with Alpha. You don’t tame a wolf with an olive branch–that shit will get you EATEN! You tame a wolf with a weapon that’s bigger & meaner than the wolf.

NOTICE: The following piece is a creative exercise; a work of fiction.

I used to believe in that garbage. I used to live for love & peace & community. But then the Alpha Wolf showed up at the gate. And the people I cared about, the same people who were normally so cautious, let the predator right into our midst where he destroyed everything . After I saw ‘The Most Virtuous Lorraine” corrupted, I knew that there is nothing under the sky that can’t be violated. Everything can be turned to the darkness. I used to want to live for love; but now I realize that love is so difficult to find yet so easy to lose. No. I want to put the percentages in my favor. I need TO WIN!

My decision to forgo church for the foreseeable future is not one I made lightly. I went back & forth multiple times a day for many consecutive days. I’ve wrestled with this choice on some sleepless nights, a handful of angry karaoke sessions, & with the influence of several incarnations of alcohol. The struggle made me think back to the “Star Wars” movies. Over & over again, you’d hear about the “seduction of the Dark Side of the Force.” It seemed to be a shortcut to power. Darth Vader once pleaded with his son Luke: “If only you knew the power of the Dark Side.” However, the Dark side’s gift are not without their consequences. Jedi Master Yoda once warned, “If once you start down The Dark Path, forever it will dominate your destiny.”

Discussion over The Dark Side often questions its morality. I think it was Obiwan Kenobi who once cautioned Luke, “Don’t give in to your hate. That leads to The Dark Side.”

But in my own life experience, I realize that my anger–& eventually, my hate–has always made me strong, at least temporarily. I’m normally extremely considerate of others & deliberate with my actions. But when I’m overcome with rage, I disregard everything except for the target of my rage. I lose all inhibition & become brave. My aggression fuels my physical strength. I fear no consequences because, in that moment, nothing matters but the conquest. It’s liberating to feel unencumbered by the myriad of constraints we place on our every actions in this so-called “polite society” we share. But the problem is, invariably, some less than polite Wolf shows up & rides away with the spoils of our work, disregarding everything we learn to hold sacred. That’s why there can be nothing more sacred than winning. Because winning means we hold on to what we have, even if that means exterminating the wolf.

All the same, even the strength that accompanies hatred is questionable. When Anikan Skywalker turned to The Dark Side, one of his companions stated: “The fear of loss is a path to The Dark Side.” That’s true in the movies & it’s true in life. Even the lyrics that I opened my reflection with today states, “Driven by hate (but) consumed by fear.”

NOTICE: The following piece is a creative exercise; a work of fiction.

It’s true. I’m consumed by fear. I don’t want the monster that stole Lorraine away from the world of the righteous to plunder any other irreplaceable treasures. I turned to God for help in her case, but God turned His back on me. He allowed the Wolf to go free, unpunished. I asked my pastor how a just God could allow such an unjust conclusion to occur: he told me that I had to learn to forgive even the predator that devoured Lorraine. That’s when I knew that this church would yield no further answers for me. If even this MONSTER is not yet Hellbound, then what’s the purpose of Hell at all? No. Just as Lorraine is now removed from the world of the righteous, I must remove myself from that world, if only temporarily.

By turning away from the church, I’m not turning away from God. Nor am I turning to The Dark One for power. I’m not seeking strength from any outside source–I’m not seeking darkness from any external source. I, like everyone, have plenty of dark content within myself. Going to church & reflecting & praying helps us subdue our own dark selves. But now that all that hokus pokus has betrayed me, I seek to bring out my own inner-strength for a while; even if that strength comes from my dark side. There is no “Dark Side” that I’m giving myself to; there is no “Deal with the Devil.” This is a deal with myself. An evil predator has committed an unforgivable act in my presence, & I’m obligated to respond. My pastor tells me that God is the ultimate judge; that His hand is the only true hand of justice. Well, here’s my answer to that. Maybe so, but God’s justice is too slow. The man who raped Lorraine needs to be brought to account right now.

It’s time for the Alpha Wolf to recognize: he’s not the only carnivore at the table anymore. Darkness has fallen. I’ve arrived & I have my sights set on Alpha Status. It’s okay, Boy. You’ve had your time. But the sun has set on your reign. It’s only fair. If Lorraine can fall, then so can you. You took her away from me; so now, I’ll take your top spot away from you. The rain falls. Darkness falls. Lorraine falls. And soon, Alpha Wolf– so will you.

How do you vanquish a predator like the Big Bad Monster? Be becoming an even Bigger, Badder Monster . . . by giving in to your inner dark side.

NOTICE: The following piece is a creative exercise; a work of fiction.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s